The woman I was before cancer, and the woman I’m becoming.

 The Woman 

I   Was 

Before Cancer,
 and

 the  Woman 

I’m Becoming


The woman I was before cancer?
Young. Wild. Free.

No joke, I was always doing something out of left field. I never slowed down long enough to really think about why. I was that person who knew someone from every friend group in school but somehow still felt like I didn’t truly belong anywhere. When you’re overstimulated all the time, it’s hard to get close to anyone. You feel too different, too much, too something.

Athletics and music were my escape. Cheer, track, constantly outside — I looked like a normal kid, but I was struggling hard underneath. ADHD and autism weren’t really talked about back then. I wasn’t diagnosed until fourth grade. I could master anything quickly, but sitting still? Taking a test? Forget it.

That’s actually what pushed me into teaching. I wanted my kids to know they were loved — not for what they could put on paper, but for who they were. I wanted them to walk out of my classroom lighter, happier, and more loved than when they walked in.


Trying to Fill a God-Sized Hole

                Being young, wild, and free sounds fun — but honestly? It never filled me.
                There’s only so much peace you can fake when nothing around you feels real.

I was surrounded by people, but none of them really knew me. No friendship felt full. No adventure felt enough. I grew up going to church, but when my friends stopped going, I drifted too. We were all just trying to fill a void that only the Lord could ever really fill.

Back then, I didn’t understand. 

I thought, If God loves us so much, why let bad things happen?
It took getting the “C” to realize how wrong I was.

Hebrews 12:6 (NIV): 

“Because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Things don’t happen because God hates us. They happen because He loves us — enough to refine us, teach us, and bring us closer to Him.

I know this might sound wild, but I always knew deep down I was going to have cancer. From the time I was about 11, it was like something in my spirit just knew. So when the diagnosis came, I wasn’t surprised; just… quiet. Devastated, I recall telling a good friend that I didn't want this to change me.

When you walk with the Lord, you can’t always explain it to people who don’t. It’s a knowing. A peace that sits deep in your soul even when life makes no sense. I don’t get it right every day, not even close, but I try to reach for Him daily. His love is like a parent’s love for their child. Constant, patient, always there. But just like any relationship, you have to show up for it, too. You have to work at it everyday, just like we all do in our everyday relationships, you have to show up like a partner with the Lord


Learning What Strength Really Means

After the C, after the chaos, the Lord gave me a new definition of strength.

For me, 

strength isn’t about being loud 

or proving a point anymore.

It’s knowing when to be still.
It’s choosing peace over reaction.
It’s shutting up (yeah, I said it) when you want to scream and just letting God handle it.

That’s real strength.

When I was younger, I thought I’d be the biggest, baddest woman out there, the one who didn’t take anything from anyone. Now I realize God built me to serve, not to shine for myself. I’m still me — still a little wild, still got my edge — but now it’s anchored in purpose.

Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV): “

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Motherhood and Miracles

Motherhood changed everything. It showed me what unconditional love really looks like.
The love I have for my son 

 that fierce, protective, constant love 

 that’s how God loves us. 

Watching him grow, learn, and just be reminds me daily that I’m still here. I still get to witness it all. That’s grace. That’s mercy. That’s purpose.

What I Want You to Remember

If you’re reading this, I want you to remember this one thing: you have a choice.
If your world keeps falling apart, if you feel like peace never stays, seek truth.
Find what really fills you — not what distracts you.

Never let anyone make you feel small. Remember David defeated Goliath, not because he was strong, but because he walked with the Lord.

1 Samuel 17:47 (NIV): “The battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

With God beside you, nothing can stop you. The only thing that can truly defeat you… is you.

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